So some of you will recall that after the last post we promised that we would lay off the religious and the femtards for a little bit. Largely because I need some time to let my system detoxify itself from the constant stream of utter fuckicity that our brain is constantly being injected with whenever we read these things. Especially some of the things that have been cropping up lately. I’m looking at you BanBossy, you retarded little bastard child of a-
What my opposite is trying to say is that he needs a break in order to unwind, enhance his calm, and hopefully stop making plans for the merciful termination of our species…. Or at least to stop doing it in public….In front of children.
Also there are some other things with regards to setting up the site and other content that I would like us to focus on. So I’ve managed to reign him in a little bit. Correct?
-actually believe that all it takes is calling some little girl “bossy” to traumatize her so fucking much that she never becomes a leader?! If any human being is so godhumping fragile she loses all of her confidence from that then just how much of a fucking leader do you think she’ll ever be?!What the fuck is wrong with you-
Umm. Anyways we’ll just let him compose himself a bit for a spell, shall we? But you see why he needs the break.
My opposites own personal psychoses aside, it was announced a few weeks ago that after analyzing the data produced over the last two years by the Kepler telescope astronomers have now made the discovery of seven hundred and fifteen new exoplanets. Exoplanets being simply the name given to planets outside of our solar systems, for your knowledge. This brings the known total to approximately seventeen hundred planets that we have discovered so far, with potentially thousands more still awaiting cataloging. At least four of the worlds found so far exist in the “habitable zone”, meaning that they exist in the proper distance from their star to allow for earth-like conditions.
-up your “bossy” ass with a salad fork!”
……..Are you done?
Ummm,yes. Sorry. Anyways we decided that in honour of this discovery we would illustrate some of the awesome things that exist within our universe that we have uncovered with science.
As a sidenote I would like to point out that in the last twenty years or so science has discovered almost two thousands planets, black holes, nebulas, an incalculable number of stars, and hundreds of other amazing things covering billions of light years of space. And Religion has done…………Exactly.
And, in case you were wondering, yes this is the article we tried to write a week ago that crashed the site. Apparently neither of us learns our lessons very well.
1. Planet Gotham
We’ve actually never really been much for comic books and superheroes. Or rather we like superheroes just fine, but for various reasons we’re not very interested in them within the comic book medium. However like all socially maladjusted nerds we like Batman. Not only because he is a dark avenger of the night in a rubber gimp suit that hangs around in dark places with young boys…..wait that didn’t come out right……
Not only because he is a dark avenger of the night who scours the city for criminals in a never-ending quest to bring justice to the streets of gotham. Or only because of his array of incredible gadgets and amazing skills. But because he has one of the greatest collection of sexy babes in his peanut gallery ever assembled.
I mean look at that, will you. It’s amazing Batman gets any actual crime-fighting done.
Don’t look at me like that. I was just testing the sites features so that I could figure out how to make a picture gallery. You know, for future articles. It’s an important thing to figure out and this was a good test.
The distant exoplanet TrES-2b is a Jupiter-sized world which has been dubbed by my other half as “Planet Gotham”, due to it’s status as the darkest planet in the known galaxy. Kepler detected it orbiting around the yellow star GSC 03549-02811 some seven hundred and fifty light years away near the Draco constellation. Although a gas giant like Jupiter, the mass of clouds which make up the atmosphere surrounding Planet Gotham reflect less than one percent of the light that hits it. According to astronomer David Kipping “It’s darker than the blackest lump of coal, than dark acrylic paint you might paint with. It’s bizarre how this huge planet became so absorbent of all the light that hits it.”
No one is yet sure exactly why the planet is the way it is. Though the prevailing theory is that light-absorbing chemicals such as sodium and potassium, or gaseous titanium oxide are vaporized in the atmosphere. However this alone does not explain why the planet is so luminsecently-challenged. It is possible that the atmosphere contains a chemical of some form that we are not familiar with yet, which could potentially yield some very interesting possibilities if we were ever able to get there and collect a sample.
Another possibility is the high temperature of the planet and it’s proximity to the parent star is causing it to not form the same kinds of reflective clouds that Jupiter possesses. The surface of the planet is super-heated to one thousand eight hundred degrees Fahrenheit, which is approximately nine hundred eighty degrees for we sexy and intelligent non-americans who use Celsius. Which is roughly the same temperature as porn star Lisa Ann, and I would provide a picture but the other me is giving me dirty looks even as I type this.
And if we should just so happen to find a humanoid man-bat running around the rooftops of an alien city, the collective sound of twenty million geeks nerdgasming at once will send a ripple through the force strong enough to make the destruction of Alderaan look like a fight between a first level commoner and a cat.
I really couldn’t have phrased that any nerdier, could I have?
In yet another rather disturbing example of the way my other half thinks, he has insisted on naming the universes largest water supply “Doobie Lake”.
Well, it surrounds a black hole. So you know, water around a ‘black’ hole. Blackwater is a Doobie Brothers song so…..
Just please go and sit down somewhere.
“Doobie Lake” is a massive expanse of water which floats in space roughly twelve billion light years away from us. In total it contains approximately one hundred and forty trillion times the amount of water that is present on Earth (which has all the makings of one truly epic water park). This “lake” is actually a gargantuan mass of water vapour which is part of the APM 08279+5255 quasar. It was discovered by scientists at the California Institute of Technology using the Z-Spec instrument and CARMA to monitor the submillimeter wavelengths, which have allowed astronomers to detect even miniscule amounts of gases in space.
A quasar is a very bright and energetic version of an actice galactic nuclei (AGN) that surrounds a supermassive black hole. This particular quasar surrounds a black hole that is measured at being twenty million times more massive than our sun (or forty five kiloBrandos), belching out energy equivalent to a thousand trillion suns.
Keep in mind, if you will, that this quasar is over twelve billion miles away, meaning that these observations are from a time period when the universe was still in its infancy. Meaning that even in the early stages of the universe water was a far more prevalent than we had ever assumed.
Oh yeah, Bitches! This planet was discovered around pulsar PSR J1719-1438. After ultra-high pressures crystallized the carbon remnants of a dead star the end result was a planet that is the best friend of every girl in the fucking multiverse.
About five times the size of the Earth, “Planet Bling” holds an orbit around a rapidly flashing neutron star called a millisecond pulsar that is the remnant of a former supernova. Most such neutron stars have a white dwarf star as its companion. PSR J1719-1438 rotates at ten thousand rotations per minute and has a mass that one point four times that of our sun, despite being only twelve kilometers across. As the second star in the system morphed into a red giant and subsequently collapsed into a white dwarf it began to have its mass sucked off and away from it by the pulsar. Most white dwarfs in such a state continue to circle around the neutron star, some are eventually consumed by it, this star was lucky enough to end up at just the right distance to allow it to not lose all of it’s mass to the pulsar. Reduced to zero point one percent of it’s initial mass and having lost any capacity for achieving fusion the remnants of the white dwarf are now officially classified as a planet.
What was left was a hunk of carbon about five times the size of our planet, exposed to a bitch-ton amount of pressure. And carbon plus pressure equals plus millions of years equals massive BLING!. We need to get some spacemen out there and start mining that bitch, ASAP. Tell P. Diddy and those gangsta-rap assholes that it’s out there and I’m sure they’ll fund the expedition. Shouldn’t be too hard if they’re willing to give up the hookers and bullets for a month or so.
Interestingly enough, Planet Bling actually has the distinction of being a planet that is larger than the actual star that it’s now orbiting. With the pulsar only being about twelve miles wide Planet Bling is about three thousand times it’s size. Making Planet Bling so thoroughly pimped out that even it’s own star is its bitch.
4.The Hercules–Corona Borealis Great Wall (No seriously)
I really wanted to come up with a cool nickname for this spatial phenomenon, but really, how can you outdo a name like Hercules–Corona Borealis Great Wall? It’s like the end result of the most awesome game of mad-libs ever. Just saying it makes your balls swell up six sizes.
“The Great Wall of Pure Awesome” was discovered late November of last year by mapping gamma-ray bursts that occur in the distant universe. It is the largest and most massive structure in the observable universe. How large? It is a superstructure of galaxies that measures over ten billion light years across……that’s billion, with a b. The runner-up is a collection of quasars with the not-nearly-as-awesome name of the Huge-Large Quasar Group. Because apparently not only were those scientists uncool, and unimaginative, they were also very redundant. These seventy three candy-ass quasars only manage to take up four billion light years of the universe lengthwise. Which the “Hercules-McFuck Yeah” superstructure probably describes as “cute”.
To be more precise, the Hercules–Corona Borealis Great Wall (Fuck I love that name) is ten billion light years at it’s longest length by seven point two billion. This means that the Hercules–Corona Borealis Great Wall covers approximately ten point seven percent of the observable universe, or one ninth or it. That is three gigaparsecs by two point two gigaparsecs.
The Hercules–Corona Borealis Great Wall is what is known as a galaxy filament. Also known as a supercluster complex or (unsurprisingly) a great wall. These have a typical length of fifty to eighty megaparsecs and are massive structures, made up of galaxies that are bound together by gravitational forces in a thread-like complex. The Hercules Great Wall is especially mysterious in that by what we know about the current models of the universe it should simply not exist.
It’s called the homogeneity problem. The short version is that the cosmological principle tells us that once you get into large enough scales any two regions of the universe should look approximately the same. There is a point at around two hundred and fifty to three hundred megaparsecs called “The End of Greatness” where the universe looks homogeneous in regards to the forces acting upon the universe. However there are some structures in the universe which exceed this theoretically size limit, the Huge-Large Quasar Group is one such structure, as is the Clowes-Campusano LQG and the Sloan Great Wall. Being the largest known structure in the universe, the Hercules–Corona Borealis Great Wall exceeds the “End of Greatness” by more than eight times.
That’s because my boy doesn’t give a shit about your “rules” and “fundamental laws of the universe”. It’s just how he rolls, beeyotch!
….Am I going to have to put you in a corner until the end of this?
All right, I’ll be good, I promise.
The existence of the Hercules–Corona Borealis Great Wall also poses one other problem for science as well, a problem with our evolutionary model of the universe. See the Great Wall is over ten billion light years away. Which means that we are seeing it now as it was ten billion years ago, thus placing it at existing only three point eight billion years after the Big Bang. Which is a massive middle finger to our current models of the universe as this structure is far too large and far too complex to have come about in anyway that we currently know of in such a short time. As I said, my boy doesn’t give a shit for sciences rules.
Hercules don’t play.
And Yay! The site didn’t crash this time.Go us! We’ll see you all later.