Let us learn about effective communication. We are now at the light at the end of the tunnel. The fourth part of our examination of Schrodinger’s Rapist.
I feel somehow calm and controlled. Like I’ve stared through the mouth of hell and I’m ready to come out the other side. Nothing can frighten me any longer as I’ve already seen the absolute worst and over come.
I am glad you feel so good about this. Let us get on with it then.
“Women are communicating all the time “
Yeah, I know. The problem is getting the ones like you to shut up for more than three seconds.
“Learn to understand and respect women’s communication to you. “
Why? There’s no actual reason ever provided for this. Give me one reason why I should respect women’s communication to me. First and foremost, as I constantly point out to Christians, respect is earned and not simply given. Why should I afford respect to such communication when it’s done nothing to earn it and you haven’t provided a single vaid reason to do so. Aside from “I have a vagina” which pretty well seems to be your response to every such question.
You see I believe in equality. What that means is that nobody is held to be better or their ideas or needs more urgent without a good reason. So if you want me to respect women’s communication to me you had better first give me a damn good reason. The fact that you are a woman is not a rational reason, nor is it equality to give you a special level of respect simply on that basis. I will not respect anything you try to communicate. I will listen to it, and I will evaluate it as it deserves. But in an equal society nobody is required to give you respect you refuse to earn like everyone else. Or that you refuse to show to everyone else.
Would you accept the reverse proposal? That you should understand and respect mens communication to you? Somehow I don’t think so.
“You want to say Hi to the cute girl on the subway. How will she react? Fortunately, I can tell you with some certainty, because she’s already sending messages to you. “
Oh good. Another message from on high about how all women behave. I can’t wait.
“Looking out the window, reading a book, working on a computer, arms folded across chest, body away from you = do not disturb. So, y’know, don’t disturb her. Really. “
First off, none of that actually indicates with any real degree of certainty what she’s really thinking. Secondly, you still have no authority to dictate everyone elses behaviour as far as I know. So, y’know, shut up.
Hey here’s a thought. Now bear with me for a moment. What if instead of you just telling us what you think they mean with their body language and your vast and infinite knowledge of the inner workings of the mind of all women, the woman in question actually just says “I’m sorry I really don’t want to talk right now.” See it has the advantage of being simple, easy for anyone to understand without trying to figure out if she’s sitting that way because she doesn’t want to talk or because she just finds it the most comfortable way to sit. No confusion, and best of all it involves the woman actually taking action of her own instead of sitting there like a passive lump hoping that the man picks up on the signals and takes action for her.
Why are you so against the idea of women actually acting on their agency instead of being passive objects manipulated by men?
“Even to say that you like her hair, shoes, or book. A compliment is not always a reason for women to smile and say thank you ”
So don’t spend even a second saying something nice to her or treating her like a human being instead of a piece of animated monkey-meat that simply happens to be sharing a section of space time relatively adjacent to you.. Women are to be avoided and shunned. Possibly because they might catch your cooties.
She really does paint a very bleak picture of human interaction doesn’t she. Even the simple act of just telling another human being that you like their hair in the interests of just being friendly and hopefully making another human feel good is connected to rape. Don’t believe me?
“You are a threat, remember? You are Schrödinger’s Rapist. “
Oh just fuck you.
Once again we have a clear summation of how she views men. No exceptions, no caveats of any kind. She says it straight out. You are a man, therefore you are a threat. You are the Rapist of the Gaps. And it is perfectly fine and justified for women to think that because……well because they’re women.
“Don’t assume that whatever you have to say will win her over with charm or flattery. Believe what she’s signaling, and back off. “
What you say she’s signalling.
“If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.”
Or she could just outright say any of those things and not rely on easily misinterpreted signals that would likely vary in their expression from individual to individual.
Seriously, how hard is that?
“On the other hand, if she is turned towards you, making eye contact, and she responds in a friendly and talkative manner when you speak to her, you are getting a green light. You can continue the conversation until you start getting signals to back off. “
Oh, well now that the authors given her permission I guess it’s ok.
“If you fail to respect what women say, you label yourself a problem. “
Again why should I respect what women say? This author still puts forth this insane and bewildering notion that being a woman equates to automatic respect for what they say. No matter how batshit crazy it is. And if you aren’t willing to give respect for an idea that you think is stupid, and can prove is stupid. You label yourself a problem. According to her reasoning at least. Not only are you required to respect what a woman says, but you (a man) are now a problem the instant you disagree.
This is another aspect that I think should be brought up. As much as she fails to ever bring up womens power of agency, or their capability to make judgements, or their ability to take care of themselves; she also fails consistently to bring up mens basic humanity. Everything that she has said has portrayed men as being something other than human. Men are rapists, men should respect women or they are a problem, no women will talk to a man unless he adhere to these standards I set, etc. Nothing in this whole article ever treats men as human beings, or portrays them as such. Men are only mentioned in how the interact with and effect women, and are addressed and regarded as having to comply with womens wants. Men are naturally violent and predatory and need to be specifically told not to abuse or hurt women. Nothing about actually treating them like people who deserve their own respect and consideration for their wants and needs. Womens needs are all that matters.
Alternately women are also weak and fragile creatures that can only be effected by men and have no responsibility or agency of their own. So weak that they cannot even voice their own wants and desires so it is up to the man to interpret them and act accordingly. If the man doesn’t interpret them properly then he is clearly the one responsible and should therefore be ashamed of his utter failure as a man. Take note of how nothing so far places any burdens of responsibility of the woman for anything. She even put men as being responsible for a womans personal safety earlier.
So men, in her mind, should always be respectful and protective of women. Should give them what they need to make them safe and happy, while being constantly polite, chivalrous, and attentive. Because women are too weak and helpless against mens power to do anything to help themselves. Hmmmmm, it seems to me that we’ve kind of done this before. Like say, all throughout most of human history. It’s a little strange to have a movement that centers itself around the ideas of social change trying to essentially keep things the way they have always been.
Really I’m……I’m just kind of numb to this sort of thing at this point. I really can barely even work up the energy to be revolted right now.
“There’s a man with whom I went out on a single date “
She’s actually been on a date? Wow he must have been a lucky guy.
“In the two days after the date, he sent me about fifteen e-mails, scolding me for non-responsiveness. I e-mailed him back, saying, “Look, this is a disproportionate response to a single date. You are making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again.” It is now October 7th. Does he still e-mail?
Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.”
Yeah. He does. About every two weeks.”
……..Did you tell the authorities? I mean assuming this actually happened of course (come on, you know women never lie about this stuff). Did you do anything? You certainly don’t seem to have so what’s your point? You realize that you are a person capable of taking action right?
“So if you speak to a woman who is otherwise occupied, you’re sending a subtle message. It is that your desire to interact trumps her right to be left alone. If you pursue a conversation when she’s tried to cut it off, you send a message. It is that your desire to speak trumps her right to be left alone. “
No. Not a desire to speak. A right to speak. He has the right to speak however and to whomever he wants. Especially in public. You also possess the right and the capacity to leave if he decides to keep talking so that you can be alone. You also possess the right and capacity to ignore him. Unless he is holding you down and forcing you to stay there is nothing keeping you there to listen (unless it’s a bus or an elevator, but then you can leave him rather soon). You can simply move off and be alone again, as you wish. This is what adults do. We take our own initiative and our own agency and use it to solve our own problems. We do not demand that everyone else bend down on one knee and accomadate us like a back-alley prostitute.
When you are in the public sphere you have no expectation of being left alone, because you are in a public place with other people. People who will do or say things that you might not like or want to be around. However the fact that you do not like it does not mean they are required to care. If you want to be alone you have a house, or similiar private place. There you have a right and an expectation to be alone.
By not leaving you are making a conscious choice to remain in that situation and at that point you are equally responsible for it. Again, there’s that word responsibility. I call it feminist kryptonite.
“For women, who are watching you very closely to determine how much of a threat you are, this is an important piece of data. “
It’s an important piece of data for me as well. If I’m talking to a woman like the one you describe then it’s a clear sign that I should stop talking to her. Because she is only worthy of my coninued derision and scorn.
So now we get to the last part, finally.
“The fifth and last point: Don’t rape. Nor should you commit these similar but less severe offenses: don’t assault. Don’t grope. Don’t constrain. Don’t brandish. Don’t expose yourself. Don’t threaten with physical violence. Don’t threaten with sexual violence. “
We’ve pretty much done this one already.
“Shouldn’t this go without saying? Of course it should. Sadly, that’s not the world I live in. You may be beginning to realize that it’s not the world you live in, either. “
So can you see why this is considered to be so terrible by its critics? Its truly difficult to figure out which is the most disturbing aspect of Rapist of the Gaps. The fact that someone came up with this, the fact that some part of their brain told them to write it for the public, or the fact that there are actually some people so fundamentally and socially maladjusted that they could think this a good idea. These people really have no idea of how basic human interaction should work. This is misnadrist, it is misogynistic, it is fallacious, it is arrrogant and condescending, and it is incredibly stupid.
There is no thought here, no reasoning, and no empathy. Just pain.