Family Foundations Fabulous Forty Day Fast Against……Gays

Virginia’s Family Foundation is encouraging its members and Christians all across the country to partake in a forty day fast in protest of laws trying to legalize gay marriage. From the days of Aug. 27 to Oct 5 they hope that all Christians across the country will join with them in the fast.
Ok, so here’s the thing, now don’t get me wrong I have nothing against a little protesting here and there so fast if you want. I’m all about trying to stick it to the man…….ok bad choice of words.  But what exactly is this supposed to achieve guys? Do you think anybody is really going to give a damn about this? I mean anybody besides jackoffs on the internet who think it’s funny as hell and want to criticize/mock you. Especially when we get lines like this:
“The Christian tradition of fasting can include anything from consuming only water from sunrise to sunset, to abstaining from a particular temptation — such as chocolate.”

So in order to combat an affront to the mighty creator of the universe little Timmy is going to have to lay off the cocoa bean for a month. Yeah that’ll send a ripple throughout society and the universe itself that your cause is just and you are totally committed. You know in the old days you guys used to whip yourselves to death or drive nails into your own hands to show your faith and devotion. That was back when Christians were hardcore. Now you guys are trying to convince yourselves and others to give up coffee for the cause (and by all appearances not doing a very good job of it). What does this really say about the state of your belief? If it really bothers you do what Buddhists did and immolate yourselves. That’s some hardcore religion.
On the more serious and less dickish aspect of this. My opposite and I are not saying that we actually wish for these people to kill themselves. The point is merely the ridiculousness of this whole idea. I am certain you have all heard the saying “it was the least I could do”? Well that rather fits this situation perfectly. This is, very nearly, the least they could be doing for a cause that they consistently claim to be of such earth shaking importance. Gay people getting married is of greater importance than gang violence, child soldiers in Africa, poverty (you know, family problems) yet this weak idea of a fast is the best they can manage?
On the same subject, I have to wonder why they think god hasn’t stepped in and done anything yet? After all these are people who thank god for helping them find their car keys from behind the couch cushions. Surely if gay people deciding they want to lose half their shit like everyone else was such a terrible thing he’d come down and start making with the wrath. It’s not like he hasn’t done it before according to them.
It seems like kind of a weak ass god, but hey, whatever puts a chubby in your chino kids.

Schrodinger’s Rapist The Fourth Is Available

The fourth installment of our essay on Schordinger’s Rapist is now up and ready for viewing. Feel free to comment on the essay or anything else so far. There has been quite a great deal of head-banging, teeth-clenching, and attempts at self-lobotomies throughout this writing. However we have waded through it for you and now there is only one final part that remains.
What he’s trying to say is, you guys owe us for suffering through this, and I’m coming for your young.