Sleep With One Eye Open,Doctor

There’s a new recent feminist hashtag that’s sprung up going by #ifIwereaboy where feminists take selfie pictures of them holding up signs (because that’s what they always fucking do) with slogans that they think are funny, intelligent, or loaded with biting rhetoric. Unfortunately none of them are any of those.
But we’re not talking about that today. I only mention this because in response to this hastag I came upon this response on Twitter from the WAF crowd.
A classic example of being born with privilege.

A classic example of being born with privilege.


This reminded me of an old poem that I heard once when I was a child from a comedian called “Sleep With One Eye Open, Doctor”. So I thought I would write the poem out for all of you bozos to enjoy.

*Disclaimer:This is not my poem, it was written by a very funny comedian that I heard when I was a child who’s name I can in no way remember. If I could I would tell you who he was. I claim no authorship nor responsibility for this work.


I stand alone, on barren stage.

A calm demeanor, hides my rage.

My underwear, if I may be candid;

Hides the shame of scars my hand did.

But the scar that’s most distinct,

Was scalpul made and crowns my dink.

It seems strange to me,

The dick that was assaulted;

With Butcher’s Blade was not consulted.

T’was the voice of madness, won the day.

Remove his foreskin! Slice away!

Then, with nimble hands that surgeon,

Deftly slashed my One-Eyed Sturgeon.

Then threw the excess in a bucket,

To deny all chance that lips would suck it.

“Oh he’s too young, he’ll not remember,

This savage attack done to his member.

The scars will fade and like a dream,

He’ll forget the blood and screams.”

Well I’ve not forgot, a stark reminder,

Glares at me when I unwind ‘er.*

Whether with a woman, or alone,

I see this divet on my bone!

Though an infant long ago.

I’ve not forgot, I’ll have you know!

So DOCTOR SLASH! If you’re not dead yet,

Don’t think that all your debts are paid yet!

I’ve one thing left I must avenge!

It’s for a small, but special friend!

Might I suggest that should we meet,

And your private parts you wish to keep;

Then you who I blame for my lossage,

Had best keep both hands ON YOUR SAUSAGE!

*That’s a bit of an exaggeration really, but it’s my poem so fuck you.

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